I’m happy to be back today with a post dedicated to my oldest daughter Lola.
Life gets busy sometimes and we don’t realize how important it is to have one on one quality time with the people we love.
These images are from this past summer when all fours of us went for a little hike on a Saturday afternoon.
I’m sitting here in front of my computer wanting to tell you so many things that I feel I don’t get to say to you as often as I would want to. Ever since you came to my world I loved you more than I would have never imagined I could love anyone (and you’ll understand what I mean once you have your own babies). I remember having all these dreams about you and imagining your little personality, your smile, your giggles, your tiny little toes, your smell, so many things I used to imagine. And you made every single one of my dreams come true. When I first saw you I couldn’t believe that you were there, you were that little girl that I had been dreaming about for over 9 months. I felt so lucky to have you, baby but I would lie if I said that I wasn’t scared too. It was probably both the most amazing and scariest time of my life (for your Dad too). We really didn’t know very much what we were doing but we both knew that we wanted to have a happy family.
When we moved to Seattle you were only 3 months old. Daddy came a couple of weeks before the two of us to rent a place and find a job. We came later with Babi who was such a huge support for us (and still is) and she stayed with us for a little over a month and helped us get settled. I’m not going to lie to you, it was hard, so very hard to be in a brand new place, being a brand new Mom, having Dad working two jobs so that i could stay at home with you and having none of my friends or my family around to share your daily milestones, to share the happiness that your little sounds, smiles, made me feel or to share the fears that I had. We luckily had Grandma, Grandpa & Sue but they were also new to me at the time, but they loved you from day one and made me feel like I belonged.
I remember we used to spend all day together, just the two of us trying to figure out our brand new life and the brand new city. I would walk you in the stroller to PCC to buy some groceries for the day and I would get so terribly frustrated to not be able to find the “regular” items that you can find at the common grocery store (now I learned to love PCC!!!). Usually on our way back from the store we would walk around our neighborhood, go say hi to the ducks by the canal, play around there, and get back home to play some more. We cuddled, and danced and laughed and took naps and did all those things that Moms and babies do together. We had so much fun. And even though It felt very lonely at times, the fact of not knowing many people and not having friends around made it that we spent our time together with no other distractions, and we built that amazing bond. And even though I don’t miss the feeling of “loneliness” I sometimes miss the simplicity of our lives.
Then Grandma introduced us to Peps and other playgroups and we loved it and after a few months we had a playgroup to go to on every day of the week except for Mondays. In the playgroups we made a couple of friends and our social life started being more colorful. We started exploring more and hearing about some awesome parks and indoor playrooms, and open gyms and life started being a lot more social. And after then it never stopped. And now, years later, the two of us find it hard to find time to spend quality time together just the two of us and it’s been hurting the way we have been interacting. And I miss spending one on one time with you and I know you miss it too. You are growing so fast, Lolita and I want you live your childhood in the happiest possible way because the magic of childhood happens only when you are a kid and I want to take every opportunity to make it even more magical for you, my sweet girl.
I love you forever and ever and ever. And to the moon and back. And to a hundred and thirty ten (you used to say that number when you were little and wanted to express a big amount). You are just like you were in my dreams and more and I am so proud of you.
Please continue the circle with the letter that Jamie Lackey wrote to her daughter